Yes I love Elephant Jokes.

They give us a true insight on life. My only wish is that I could teach a course at Yale on Elephant Jokes and their Philosophical Connection to the Meaning of Human Existence.

As Steve Goodman said: "You can lead an Elephant to Watergate, but you can't make him remember anything."

As Groucho Marx said:
" Last night I shot an elelphant in my pajamas! How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know!"

Do you ever wonder if cave men told mastadon jokes?

Elephant Jokes:

1. Why did the Elephant where red sneakers?
   answer So he could hide in the Apple tree!

2. Why did the Elephant wear three white sneakers and one yellow sneaker?
   answer Forgot to lift his leg.

3. Why did the Elephant wear four differnt colored sneakers?
   answer To hide in the Gumball Machine.

4. How Can you tell when an Elephant has been in the ice box?
   answer Foot prints in the butter.

5. How do you stop a charging Elephant?
   answer Take away his credit card.

6. Why can't you get an Elephant to screw in a lightbulb.
   
   answer Because they won't fit in a lightbulb.

7. What is the difference between a dozen eggs and an Elephant?
   
   answer If you don't know, I'm not going to send you to the store for a dozen eggs.

8. What the difference between a herd of Elephants and a bunch af grapes?
   answer Grapes are purple, Elephants are gray.

9. What did Tarzan say when the Elephants charged?
   
   answer Watch out, here come the Elephants

10. How do you get down from an Elephant?
    answer You Don't! You get down from a Goose

11. How do Elephants get out of trees?
    answer They float down on the leaves between 4 pm and 6pm.

12. What's black and stuck between the toes of charging Elephants
    answer Slow Pygmies.

13. What do you call an Elephant that rides a bus?
    answer A passenger.

14. How does an elephant get down from a tree?
    answer He doesn't! Even elephants know you get down from a goose! 

15. Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ?
    answer Because of all the cheetahs ! 

16. What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant ?
    answer About 3,000 miles ! 

17. Why do elephants wear sandals?
    answer So that they don't sink in the sand.

18. Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
    answer They are lookng for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

19. What did the peanut say to the elephant?
    answer Nothing, peanuts can't talk

20. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
    answer He slipped

21. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
    answer He was glued to the first one.

22. Why did the third elephant fall from of the tree?
    answer He thought it was a game.

23. Why did the fourth Elephant fall from the tree?
    answer Because, when his mother asked if all the other elephants were falling out the trees would you, he said Yes!

24. How did the mouse become as big as an elephant?
    answer Bill Gates gave it a new operating system!

25. What's gray on the inside and red and white on the outside?
    
    answers 1. Campbell's cream of Elephant soup. 2. An inside out Elephant.

26. Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
    answer So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

27. What do you know when you see three Elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
    
    answer They're all on the same team.

28. What is gray and has four legs and a trunk?
    answer A mouse going on vacation. (Fooled you!)

29. What do you call an Elephant with a machine gun?
    answer Sir.

30. What do you call an Elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
    answer Anything you want, it can't hear you.

31. Why do Elephants drink so much?
    answer To try to forget.

32. What's gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow?
    answer An Elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

33. What's gray, yellow, gray, yellow,THUMP, grey, black, blue, grey, black, blue
    
    answer An Elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth that hit a rock, dropped its daisy and got a boo-boo. I don't know how many times I've told Elephants not to roll down hills with daisies in their mouths.

34. How do you get an Elephant into a VW?
    answer Open the car door, put the Elephant inside, close the door.

35. How can you tell if an Elephant is in the refrigerator?
    answer The door won't shut.

36. Why do ducks have flat feet?
    answer So they can stamp out forest fires.

37. What did Jane say when she saw the charging Elephants?
    answer Look at the Grapes! Jane is color blind?

38. Why are crocodiles so long and flat?
    answers 1: They went through the jungle between 4pm and 6pm. 2: They listened to Jane, and looked at the grapes.

39. What do you get when you cross Elephants with peanut butter?
    answers 1: Elephants sticking to the roof of your mouth. 2: Elephants that spread easily.

40. Why do Elephants paint their toenails red?
    answer So they can hide in a strawberry patch.

41. What do you get when you cross and elelphant with a rhinocerous?
    answer Eliphino (Hell-if-I-Know)

42. Why do Elephants have such large, tough feet?
    answer So they can stamp out flaming ducks

43. What's brown, gooey, smells like peanuts, but isn't peanut butter
    answer Elephant Puke

44. What's the difference between an Elephant and a piece of paper?
    answer You can't make a paper airplane out of an Elephant.

45. How do you know if there's an Elephant in the ice cream shop?
    answer His bike is outside.

46. How do you know if there are two Elephants in the ice cream shop?
    answer There's a dent in the cross-bar.

47. How do you know if there are three Elephants in the ice cream shop?
    answer Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

48. How do you make an Elephant float?
    answer Take two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and one Elephant.

49. Why are Elephants so wrinkled
    answer Have you ever tried to iron one?

50. What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence?
    answer Time to get a new fence.

51. What time is it when an Elephant sit on your sofa?
    answer Time to get a new sofa.

52. What time is it when an Elephant sits on your toilet?
    answer Time to runaway.

53. Why do Elephants have trunks
    answers 1: Because they'd look silly if they had suit cases. 2: They don't have pockets.

54. Where do find Elephants?
    answer It depends on where you left it.

55. What do you say when an Elephant sneezes?
    answer Geshundheit.

56. Why do Elephants hide in strawberry patches?
    answer So they can jump out and stomp on people.

57. How do you get four Elephants into a Volkswagen?
    answer Two in the front, two in the back.

58. How can you tell when an Elephant's been in your refrigerator?
    answer Footprints in the Jell-O.

59. Why do Elephants have grey skin?
    answer To keep their insides together.

60. What goes, Clomp, clomp, clomp, squish, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish?"
    answer An Elephant with a wet sneaker.

61. Why did the Elephant lie in the middle of the road?
    answer To trip the ants.

62. What would happen if an Elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
    answer You would miss most of the show.

63. Why did the Elephant wear sunglasses?
    answer With all the silly Elephant jokes going around, he didn't want to be recognized.

64. What is the biggest ant?
    answer An eleph-ant.

65. What is as big as an Elephant, but doesn't weigh anything?
    answer An Elephant's shadow.

66. How do you fit 5 Elephants in a Volkswagen?
    answer Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

67. Why did they throw the Elephants out of the swimming pool?
    answer They couldn't hold their trunks up.

68. Why wasn't the Elephant allowed on the airplane?
    answer Because his trunk wouldn't fit under the seat.

69. Why were the Elephants the last animals off the ark?
    answer Because they had to pack their trunks.

70. Why do Elephants paint their toenails green?
    answer So they can hide in the pea patch.

71. What would you get if you crossed two fish with two Elephants?
    answer A pair of swimming trunks.

72. Why do Elephants have crinkly feet?
    answer To give the ants a chance.

73. Why do Elephant cheerleaders never do the splits?
    answer They all strecth out the elastic in their Spankies.

74. Why did the Elephant cross the road?
    
    answer Chicken's day off.

75. Why do Elephants have wrinkled knees?
    answer From playing marbles.

76. What should you do to a blue Elephant?
    answer Cheer it up.

77. What should you do to a red Elephant?
    answer Quit telling it dirty jokes.

78. What should you do to a yellow Elephant?
    answer Teach it to be brave.

79. What should you do to a white Elephant?
    answer Hold it's nose until it turns blue,then follow the direction for a blue Elephant.

80. What should you do to a green Elephant?
    answers 1: Wait until it gets ripe. 2: Bury it, you we're only suppose to hold it's nose until it turned blue.

81. How can you tell if an Elephant's been sleeping in your bed?
    answer Peanut shells under the pillow.

82. How do you catch an Elephant?
    answers 1: Use a glove 2: You don't, you catch a cold. 3: Wait at a street corner and when you see the Elephant raise your hand a yell "Yo Elephant"

83. How did the blonde cheerleader die?

    answer She tried to catch an Elephant doing the splits.

    • How does an Elephant get out of a phone booth?
      answer Same way she got in.

    • Why don't Elephants ride bicycles?
      answer They don't have thumbs to ring the bell.

    • What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?
      answer CinderElephant!

    • What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks, and 2 trunks?
      answer An Elephant with spare parts.

    • What is large and gray and goes around and around in circles?
      answer An Elephant stuck in a revolving door.

    • What do Elephants have that no other animals have?
      answer Baby Elephants.

    • Why do Elephants stomp on people?
      answer They like the squishy feeling between their toes.

    • What do Elephants do for laughs?
      answer They tell people jokes.

    • What game do Elephants like to play most?
      answer Squash!

    • What did the cat say to the Elephant?
      answer Meow!

    • How do you hunt pink elephants?
      answer With a pink elephant gun!

    • How do you hunt blue elephants?
      answer You don't, it's illegal!

    • What was the elephant doing on the expressway?
      answer about five miles per hour!

    • What was the monkey doing on the expressway?
      answer Riding the elephant!

    • What did the cow say to the Elephant?
      answer Moo

    • How do pink elephants survive hunting season?
      answer They hold their breath until they turn blue!

    • What did the pig say to the elephant?
      answer Get off the expressway, you're blocking traffic!

    • Why was the elephant on the expressway to begin with?
      answer Too many traffic lights on the side streets!

    • What's the difference between elephants and ice cream?
      answer Dare i say it? Ice cream comes in pints but elephants come in quarts!

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      Elephant Poetry!

      Hickory Dickory Dock, An elephant ran up the clock, The clock is being repaired.

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      Two elephants - Harry & Faye Couldn't kiss with their trunks in the way So they boarded a plane They're now kissing in Maine Cause their trunks got sent to L.A.

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