Ten Stages of Drunkeness

Actually the Ten Stages most often attributed to Jimmy Buffett are the stages according to Lewis Grizzard in the Book My Daddy was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun. Buffett had his Ten Stages as well and many are quite different from the Grizzard list. Below is a comparison of the both

Stages of Drunkeness

1. Witty and charming (part 1)

   This is after one or two drinks. The tongue is loosened and can yet remain in step with the brain. In the witty and charming stage one is likely to use foriegn idioms and phrases such as au contraire in place of "No way, Jose" or "Bull -sheyet"
   

2. Rich and famous

   By the third drink, you begin mentioning that the little 380SL you've had your eye on down at the Mercedes place.
   

3. Benevolent

   You'll buy her a mercedes, too. It's only money.
   

4. Just one more and We'll eat

   a stall tactic
   

5. To hell with Dinner

   Grizzard: Just one more and then we'll eat!
   

6. Patriotic

   The war stories Begin
   

7. Warm up the Enola Gay

   "We would have won in 'Nam, but..."
   

8. Invisible

   So this is what the inside of of ladies room looks like
   

9. Witty and charming (part 2)

   You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl.
   

10. Bulletproof

    Bull-sheyet, gimme them keys, I can drive.
    

11. Cryin' about your daddy drunk.

    Grizzard:You don't need to be able to make a lot of sense when you reach CAYDD, nor is it necessary to be able to make sound intelligible to other forms of life.

The Ten Stages of Drunkeness
according to Jimmy Buffett
(From live performances of God's Own Drunk, circa 1981-82, SOC Tour)

1. Witty and charming:

   Hey how you doin' there. Hey Hey.

   • Warm Family Man:

     Of course I love my wife but she's in Phoenix.

     • God Damned Patriotic American:

       I mean we don't need any nuclear weapons they're drinkin' themselves to death on vodka

       • Clarivoyance:

         Don't tell me anything I know what you're gonna say:

         • The turning point of most people of the evening: Fuck dinner

           There's nutrition in beer.

           • Witty and Charming Part 2:

             Not a pretty sight.

             • Break out the the k-y jelly baby! Oh Baby

             • Invisible:

               You can't see me 'cause I'm not even here.

               • Bulletproof

               • God's own drunk and a fearless man:

                 Shit! Thats...that's when I first saw the bear...